8

PASSAGES

(Continued from p. 3)

Lee was rain on a hot summer day; sun on a cold winter night; fresh air in a stale environment. I loved our times together and I always looked forward to seeing her.

Lee and I went to every movie that came to town, we went to "happy hour", we went for midnight swims and we went for long walks in the woods. Of all the good times that we had together, my favorite was when we went to a medieval fair and rode on an elephant.

us

had

Lee

The elephant ride was a daring thing to do because it was rumored that the year before someone had fallen off of one of the elephants and been trampled. Nonetheless, our quest for adventure spurred on. Lee and I decided to go all out and ride on the elephant's neck--the only unprotected area. I was terrified, but Lee assured me that we would be safe. So, we climbed up the ladder to the neck. mounted first and held on to the elephant's ears. After she was secured in her position, I mounted and held on to her. Then the elephant began to move--swaying from side to side in a sort of elegant, hypnotic fashion. I liked the feeling of holding tightly onto Lee and at the same time, feeling the side to side rubbing motion of the elephant's back on my crotch. I relaxed and let myself enjoy I began to feel a tingling sensation that radiated from my crotch to my toes, to my fingers. Involuntarily, I drew closer to Lee. She, probably thinking that I was afraid, nestled back into my legs and onto my breast. I could feel the warmth emanating from her body. I tried to hold onto that moment, the elephant's back rubbing me in a most provocative manner, me tingling all over, and Lee nestled close to my breast. All too soon, however, the ride and the moment

the ride.

were over.

It was clear to me that I was attracted to Lee. It was an attraction that grew from a special kind of friendship, and a special kind of love. Although she never said anything, I think that Lee loved me too.

It became more and more apparent that I was not expressing my true self. Obviously, a change had to be made.

I was offered a our lab that was

The opportunity to change my life came in the form of a job transfer. position in a branch of located on the West Coast. I knew, from all that I had heard and read, that San Francisco was full of gays and lesbians. I felt it would be easier for me to express my true self in this environment. I accepted the position.

When I arrived in the Bay Area a sense of anxiousness enveloped me. I wanted to run right out and meet the woman of my dreams because I knew that the first Black Woman that I met would be mine.

Six months later, I had dismissed many of the negative things that had been a part of my life but, I had not met anyone.

By sheer chance, I found out about a party for lesbians of color. I was scared, to put it mildly, but I gathered up my courage and went. I had a wonderful time being in the company of other women like me. I didn't meet the woman of my dreams at this gathering, but I made some valuable contacts.

...Time has passed. Circumstances have been such that I call myself a lesbian. Now, there are other journeys...other Passages to be made.

I was born the year of the Brown vs. The Board of Education decision; supposedly a time of change in the South. Although I now reside in the San Francisco-Bay Area, I grew up in rural Louisiana. My writings reflect that time, that place.

Mayrann Turner

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